The six last weeks have been a roller coaster.
More or less every day has been spent with grandma who is very very ill. It started with her breaking her hip six weeks ago. Since then we have been running between the hospital, the rehab center and then back to the hospital.
Since Sunday she cant eat, can hardly speak or sit up.
Every day for these six last weeks we have been trying to feed her, I have cleaned her dentures as the nurses had not done so, and she was in pain, and when I took them out they where filled with old food and denture glue,
they overdozed her on valium, giving her twice of what is recommanded as the highest doze for elderly and weak people.
When she was able to use the bathroom I ve been with her, helping her because again she would call the nurses but they woulnt come, sometimes she waited half an hour before they would help her to the bathroom. I ve cried, watching her get weaker and weaker.
Finally we managed to get her off the medication they wrongly gave her. That helped.
Sunday my mum insisted they moved her from rehab to the hospital, and they found that she had two clots, one in each lunge.
Yesterday I was there almost all day, and she opened up her eyes and whispered
" promise me to remember all the things I have tought you, and always be a good girl."
Then she continued, " I feel like its going the other way now, I cant fight this much longer".
Its so hard to not be able to do anything, she is the person who has always been there for me.
I grew up spending a lot of my childhood and teens living with her, as my stepdad made it pretty clear he did not want a step daughter.
My real dad, I have not seen him for many years or heard from him, even though he only lives ten minutes away.
She was always there, and I felt so safe in her place. We went every where together, I would go with her to her work, we went to the parks, she would come with me to go horseriding, cook food for me, and we always walked as she never learnt how to drive.
We walked so many places. She loved to sing all these funny songs she had learnt during the war, and would teach them to me as we walked, and she always dressed me up and took pictures of me.
I guess she was my safe heaven, and I ve always said she is my best friend.
I m so blessed, today I have the best mum, a new wonderful stepdad, my amazing family, Fredrick, a life few could ever dream of, and with grandma living with my mum and stepdad for the last three years, we have been so close as few.
So even though she is 90 years old now, its so hard to watch her getting weaker and weaker, I love her so much. At the same time I m so grateful for having spent so much time together, its always been us <3
She is still here, and we all try our best to keep everything going. Trying my best to smile, keep studying for my exam, working out, writing my blog,
and being there here for eachother and her.
I guess that is the best thing to do <3
..however I am not someone who gives up, its incredible what you can do with will, and I ve told her to hold on, and fight, because neither of us are quitters... So we ll hold on as long as we can <3
This picture is from this Saturday, she managed to sit up then....